Opening up

Sometimes I have trouble opening up to people. I rarely talk about my dreams, my plans, my worries or my frustrations. I even have trouble opening up to myself. I stop my thoughts before they can develop, positive or negative. And in the last 5 months I have tried to stop 'stopping' my thoughts, but it takes a huge effort because I always find excuses not to explore the thoughts/plans in my head. 

I have been working with a life coach and I managed to open up to her and talk more about my fears, the excuses I come up with, the insecurities, the things I would like to accomplish and also to figure out where my talents lie. This has helped me in a great way and triggered me to start with the pop-up brunches and other plans still in the pipeline. But still when an event comes closer the anxiety sets in with every step I take. The old me would just give up when the smallest hint of anxiety becomes noticeable, because that is what I have done my whole life. But lately I do feel that I'm getting stronger by pushing myself harder and that is a new feeling.

But I had to come to terms with the fact that my mind is a slow-moving machine. And change does not happen overnight, especially not the life-changing one. Like they say, trust the process. Every step, even the tiniest, is a step closer.

Luckily I am surrounded by good people, who understand my silence, my inability to talk sometimes, but who do believe in me and are there for me when I feel confident enough to talk. 

The fact that I am opening up here, must mean that there is hope! :)

Last week I went for lunch & coffee with my friend L and I think I had one of my moments where I felt confident enough to talk about dreams and plans. And it was good, we sat in this beautiful coffee house / design store, had a few lattes / teas and just talked, 2 mothers with life plans and it was truly inspirational. Thanks babe.

Pictures taken at Thelma Coffee and Design (also very inspirational) in Leuven